Post by cascade88 on Oct 12, 2009 17:32:09 GMT 12
Following fic is a collab. of mineself && Nikky :zaru:
Disclaimers (we’re so awesome we get two.):
Cascade: WE OWN NOTHING. GOD. SUSPICIOUS ASSHATS.
NN44: I believe I dont own anything that sounds like Pokemon. Except some trading cards, video games, VHS's, and a pichu plushie thats lost in my house...but yea, nothing.[/i]
_______________________
_______________________
It all started with that stupid battle. That lame battle. The battle so lame I should have won it while being deaf, blind and mute, but somehow I didn’t. I hate Ash Ketchum. With a passion or something. Okay, well I would if I had passion. Screw that Pikachu. It can go to (BEEP). Wha--huh? Who, who is censoring my words again? Well whoever you are, screw you, too!
Good battle, right? C’mon Paul, let’s shake! That nerd’s words are still echoing about in my brain, making me want to, want to… oh forget it. Ash isn’t really worth my time. No one is. I’m awesome. Really (BEEP) awesome. I can do the impossible. Need a revolving door slammed? Gimme a call. Need me to kick the (BEEP) of a certain (BEEP) (BEEP) Pokemon training son of a (BEEP)… give me a call. I am Paul. I am greatness. I am… oh crap, being chased by an Ursaring through this patch of forest!
Maybe this is all one big nightmare. I mean, come on, no way I really lost to Ash. No one I’m really being chased by a big, hungry, possibly in-heat Pokemon… even though it is gaining on me… oh dear Arceus, give me longer legs--YIKES!
Okay, okay, maybe it’s not even chasing me. Maybe it’s after something beyond me, something that I’ve lost sight of. Or, as I look back over my shoulder to now see that it has zoned in on me, maybe I can just wait for that prayer to Arceus to be ANSWERED ANY TIME NOW! Ugh, maybe one of my Pokemon can help me! Okay, right--"Gooo Ursaring!"
Now I’ve stopped running. Mainly to kick this horny bear’s (BEEP), and partially to catch my breath. Okay, mostly to catch my breath. Whatever. Come on, Ursaring. It’ll leave me alone now for sur-- HOLY (BEEP) OF (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP)!
Okay. Screw the battle with Ash. This is worse. Why are they--WHY ARE THEY HUMPING EACH OTHER? Just… why? I feel like I’m gonna get an S.T.D. just from watching. For the love of Mew, get me outta here! So sure, I understand that running away again--as I’m doing now--doesn’t seem like much progress at this point, but dude, you didn’t see what it was like to watch!
Gotta get away… must… keep… running… can still… hear the… sounds.
So here I am finally. At a river. Why a river, I don’t know. I get the distinct feeling someone somewhere is just having an amusing time with me. Or maybe I’m paranoid. Whatever. I’ll find a way to cross it, then I can make it to a Pokemon Center and convince Joy to give me a Lobotomy. (Sorry, not in a kid’s show, Sonny.) Hey, who said that?! (No one.) Oh, oka--wait. WHAT THE (BEEP)? Oh, stop that bleeping now, it’s getting ridiculous.
Right, this branch stretching across seems long and sturdy enough. Why is the phrase famous last words now echoing in my head? Honestly, this had all best be one lonnnnnng nightmare, becau--AHHHHHHHHhhhhh…!
Okay, so I’m now in the river, trapped in the rapids--sure, we all saw this coming. I know I did somewhere deep down in my pessimistic heart anyway. Oh yay… a big rock is approaching. Nah, what are the odds I’ll hit it, I mean, real--
_______________________
_______________________
“Oh my goodness! I so knew it was you, even with your eyes closed and your mind unconscious and your…”
Who is that gibbering on?
“…I mean, what are the odds?! Me, your biggest fan, finding you! Saving your life!”
Ugh, a fan boy… throw me back in the river…
Okay… who is this blonde freak in orange clothes standing over me? Why? Just again, why, why, why? Ugh, I have to get up. Okay, now I’m up. He can go away now. Anytime now.
“Can I have your autograph?!”
“NO! God. Look, how did you come to get me out anyway?”
“I fished you out with my… pole… hey… does this seem familiar to anyone else or is it just me? …Oh well. My name is Jun! But call me Barry. P.U.S.A. did for some ungodly reason, after all.”
“Go away.”
“Will you sign my undershirt?”
“Go. Away.”
Okay so yeah, it’s been five minutes and I’m running away again. What can I say? Fans--be they female or male--have never honestly been my thing. They’re naggy, annoying, ridiculous, clingy--and oh my, I do mean literally… That punk is grabbing for my jacket! What the hell! …Hey, I said hell and it wasn’t censored. Hahaha, hell, damn, f-- (Sorry there, I had fallen to sleep.) Oh, you son of a (BEEP)!
Crap… remind me why I stopped to swear for, ‘cos that kid is actually trying to steal my jacket.
“I only want a reminder of our meeting, Paulie!”
. . . Paulie?
I have never run so fast in my life. Okay, now that I think of those sex-starved bears, I recant that statement. I am running quite fast tho--what was that ripping sound? No way. HE ACTUALLY RIPPED OFF MY JACKET. What has the Pokemon world come to!
“I just wanted something to remember you--”
“FINISH THE SENTENCE AND DIE!”
_______________________
_______________________
Okay, so it started raining at some point during my running. And well, I then discovered that my shirt even ripped some when that idiot took my jacket. Luckily, I found some shelter. Unluckily, it’s not actually like a real cave or anything… just under an open ledge. Oh well… surely there are worse things than freezing cold rain on my skin, pricking me like needles possessed by a Voodoo curse to slowly drain my blood drop by freaking drop…
Oh, my bad. I showed my emo side. Rest assured it will never happen again. (Ahahahahaha!) Hey you! (Me?) Yeah, you! Guess what? (Ha, what?) (BEEP) your mother!
(. . .)
Who’s laughing now? HUH? Who? Not you, me, mother(BEEP)! Ahahahaha--achoo! Aw, crap.
_______________________
_______________________
I-It’s been possibly three hours. Possibly twelve. Never was g-great at math… It’s cold… I might very well freeze to death… Well, whatever makes the Ursarings and rivers and fan boys go away…
_______________________
_______________________
“Paul? Is that you? It is you… are you okay? Wake up, Paul. Wake up.”
Ugh… a voice… who’s voice?
“Paul, it’s me.”
Who is me?
Ugh, bound to force myself to get up again. Or, sit up at least. Yes, sitting is best. I guess, on the plus side, at least I didn’t freeze to death.
“There you are! Glad to see you’re okay!”
Oh no way… how did that Dawn girl find me?
“I’m not happy to see you at all.”
“Aww, has the bad weather made someone grumpy?”
I hate her. I believe I just found my passion. And it’s in hating Dawn. Why, why was she the one to find me? Why couldn’t I have just frozen to death? WHY, GOD, WHY?!
(Next time maybe you’ll think twice before talking about someone’s mother. Eh, Sonny?)
Disclaimers (we’re so awesome we get two.):
Cascade: WE OWN NOTHING. GOD. SUSPICIOUS ASSHATS.
NN44: I believe I dont own anything that sounds like Pokemon. Except some trading cards, video games, VHS's, and a pichu plushie thats lost in my house...but yea, nothing.[/i]
_______________________
_______________________
It all started with that stupid battle. That lame battle. The battle so lame I should have won it while being deaf, blind and mute, but somehow I didn’t. I hate Ash Ketchum. With a passion or something. Okay, well I would if I had passion. Screw that Pikachu. It can go to (BEEP). Wha--huh? Who, who is censoring my words again? Well whoever you are, screw you, too!
Good battle, right? C’mon Paul, let’s shake! That nerd’s words are still echoing about in my brain, making me want to, want to… oh forget it. Ash isn’t really worth my time. No one is. I’m awesome. Really (BEEP) awesome. I can do the impossible. Need a revolving door slammed? Gimme a call. Need me to kick the (BEEP) of a certain (BEEP) (BEEP) Pokemon training son of a (BEEP)… give me a call. I am Paul. I am greatness. I am… oh crap, being chased by an Ursaring through this patch of forest!
Maybe this is all one big nightmare. I mean, come on, no way I really lost to Ash. No one I’m really being chased by a big, hungry, possibly in-heat Pokemon… even though it is gaining on me… oh dear Arceus, give me longer legs--YIKES!
Okay, okay, maybe it’s not even chasing me. Maybe it’s after something beyond me, something that I’ve lost sight of. Or, as I look back over my shoulder to now see that it has zoned in on me, maybe I can just wait for that prayer to Arceus to be ANSWERED ANY TIME NOW! Ugh, maybe one of my Pokemon can help me! Okay, right--"Gooo Ursaring!"
Now I’ve stopped running. Mainly to kick this horny bear’s (BEEP), and partially to catch my breath. Okay, mostly to catch my breath. Whatever. Come on, Ursaring. It’ll leave me alone now for sur-- HOLY (BEEP) OF (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP)!
Okay. Screw the battle with Ash. This is worse. Why are they--WHY ARE THEY HUMPING EACH OTHER? Just… why? I feel like I’m gonna get an S.T.D. just from watching. For the love of Mew, get me outta here! So sure, I understand that running away again--as I’m doing now--doesn’t seem like much progress at this point, but dude, you didn’t see what it was like to watch!
Gotta get away… must… keep… running… can still… hear the… sounds.
So here I am finally. At a river. Why a river, I don’t know. I get the distinct feeling someone somewhere is just having an amusing time with me. Or maybe I’m paranoid. Whatever. I’ll find a way to cross it, then I can make it to a Pokemon Center and convince Joy to give me a Lobotomy. (Sorry, not in a kid’s show, Sonny.) Hey, who said that?! (No one.) Oh, oka--wait. WHAT THE (BEEP)? Oh, stop that bleeping now, it’s getting ridiculous.
Right, this branch stretching across seems long and sturdy enough. Why is the phrase famous last words now echoing in my head? Honestly, this had all best be one lonnnnnng nightmare, becau--AHHHHHHHHhhhhh…!
Okay, so I’m now in the river, trapped in the rapids--sure, we all saw this coming. I know I did somewhere deep down in my pessimistic heart anyway. Oh yay… a big rock is approaching. Nah, what are the odds I’ll hit it, I mean, real--
_______________________
_______________________
“Oh my goodness! I so knew it was you, even with your eyes closed and your mind unconscious and your…”
Who is that gibbering on?
“…I mean, what are the odds?! Me, your biggest fan, finding you! Saving your life!”
Ugh, a fan boy… throw me back in the river…
Okay… who is this blonde freak in orange clothes standing over me? Why? Just again, why, why, why? Ugh, I have to get up. Okay, now I’m up. He can go away now. Anytime now.
“Can I have your autograph?!”
“NO! God. Look, how did you come to get me out anyway?”
“I fished you out with my… pole… hey… does this seem familiar to anyone else or is it just me? …Oh well. My name is Jun! But call me Barry. P.U.S.A. did for some ungodly reason, after all.”
“Go away.”
“Will you sign my undershirt?”
“Go. Away.”
Okay so yeah, it’s been five minutes and I’m running away again. What can I say? Fans--be they female or male--have never honestly been my thing. They’re naggy, annoying, ridiculous, clingy--and oh my, I do mean literally… That punk is grabbing for my jacket! What the hell! …Hey, I said hell and it wasn’t censored. Hahaha, hell, damn, f-- (Sorry there, I had fallen to sleep.) Oh, you son of a (BEEP)!
Crap… remind me why I stopped to swear for, ‘cos that kid is actually trying to steal my jacket.
“I only want a reminder of our meeting, Paulie!”
. . . Paulie?
I have never run so fast in my life. Okay, now that I think of those sex-starved bears, I recant that statement. I am running quite fast tho--what was that ripping sound? No way. HE ACTUALLY RIPPED OFF MY JACKET. What has the Pokemon world come to!
“I just wanted something to remember you--”
“FINISH THE SENTENCE AND DIE!”
_______________________
_______________________
Okay, so it started raining at some point during my running. And well, I then discovered that my shirt even ripped some when that idiot took my jacket. Luckily, I found some shelter. Unluckily, it’s not actually like a real cave or anything… just under an open ledge. Oh well… surely there are worse things than freezing cold rain on my skin, pricking me like needles possessed by a Voodoo curse to slowly drain my blood drop by freaking drop…
Oh, my bad. I showed my emo side. Rest assured it will never happen again. (Ahahahahaha!) Hey you! (Me?) Yeah, you! Guess what? (Ha, what?) (BEEP) your mother!
(. . .)
Who’s laughing now? HUH? Who? Not you, me, mother(BEEP)! Ahahahaha--achoo! Aw, crap.
_______________________
_______________________
I-It’s been possibly three hours. Possibly twelve. Never was g-great at math… It’s cold… I might very well freeze to death… Well, whatever makes the Ursarings and rivers and fan boys go away…
_______________________
_______________________
“Paul? Is that you? It is you… are you okay? Wake up, Paul. Wake up.”
Ugh… a voice… who’s voice?
“Paul, it’s me.”
Who is me?
Ugh, bound to force myself to get up again. Or, sit up at least. Yes, sitting is best. I guess, on the plus side, at least I didn’t freeze to death.
“There you are! Glad to see you’re okay!”
Oh no way… how did that Dawn girl find me?
“I’m not happy to see you at all.”
“Aww, has the bad weather made someone grumpy?”
I hate her. I believe I just found my passion. And it’s in hating Dawn. Why, why was she the one to find me? Why couldn’t I have just frozen to death? WHY, GOD, WHY?!
(Next time maybe you’ll think twice before talking about someone’s mother. Eh, Sonny?)