So, I just read this on Bulbaforums, and I'm not sure whether to laugh, or to be slightly frightened:
<0n the disbelievers>
We have seen the other shippers and have witnessed much folly from them. Those who disbelieve and ridicule us without justification, announce to them a warning...We are not pacifists...
Those who insult us and demean us are deserving of the same chastisement! Those are they whose defenses will be of no avail in this fandom, and they will have no sympathy.
Hast thou not seen, oh Pokeshippers!? Hast thou not seen, for what they really are, those who believe in the other ships?
They are warmly invited to our congregations, but show little respect for our ship. They come with prejudiced pre-dispositions and mock us wherever we gather...It is either this or they stay in the shadows, taking notes on how to conquer us...
Share not your affinities of the fandom with likes of these infidels, for they shall only take your kindness for granted! They commit these transgressions because of your kindness! This is because they know the flame wars shall not touch them, for the "Pokeshippers are a kind and naive folk!" This is what the other shippers forge in their hearts.
Say unto these disbelievers: "Whether you hide what is in your hearts or manifest it, we know it! And we are the correct ship, for we have evidence of it!"
On the day when every user sees the truth and finds present that which it has done of pokeship bashing-those users will wish that between themselves and that pokeship bashing there would be a long distance.
Say unto Archaic: "Oh Archiac, owner of this kingdom, thou givest kindness to those of whom there shall be no kindness given in return! Thou hast shown too much mercy to the other shippers and thou hast invested too much of your passion unto them. Do not cast your pearls before these swine! They are disbelievers and nothing shall make them believe in the one true ship! Oh Archaic, in thine hand is the good. Surely, thou art possessor of power over all in this domain. Tis time to cast those of the other ships into oblivion!"
Let not the believers in the one true ship take the disbelievers for companions. Whomsoever does this is of the transgressors and has betrayed the one true ship.
Those who keep amongst their own are of the true believers! It is to them that the ship owes it's basis! All hail those who steer clear of the other ships.
I say unto the pokeshippers: "You are the best ship raised up for the fandom. You are of the good whilst the rest are of the evil and you use evidence whilst the rest use hearsay. Oh! If only the other shippers had believed, it would have been better for them. Some of them are closet Pokeshippers, but most of them are transgressors!
<0n the Palletshippers>
There are those among these shippers who will attempt to leave a great infliction upon the pokeshippers! They will not harm you save a slight hurt, for they are those of a weak group...they lack in evidence!
There is no need for refutation concerning their lot and the simple fact that Pokemon, may it's name be forever blessed, is directed toward all audiences proves that there will never be a need for refutation!
BANISH THEM!
<0n the Orangeshippers>
There are those among us who dare say: "Nay! Tis Tracy! It is he who is the one for misty!"
Say unto those fools: "Tis blindness that springs your disbelief! Nonchalance greets Tracy when in Misty's presence, and those of you who think otherwise are of the ignorant!"
Of all the pokeshippers rivals, it is the orangeshippers that are of the worst threats!
But there are those of you who say: "Nay! Tis not the orangeshippers! Tis the advanceshippers! They are among the worst of our enemies!"
I say unto those few: "Brothers! Sisters! The time of advanceshipping has long since passed! May is but a shadow now and the advanceshippers have long since been bereaved of the title of worst enemy! The orangeshippers still stand firm and are consolidating their evidence in the shadows!"
BANISH THEM!
<0n the Advanceshippers>
How the mighty have fallen! Tis true the saying! Of them were very influential rivals of high calibre, but now they are nothing more than a vestige of fog!
There was once a time when they were our most powerful rival! They consolidated power throughout the internet and established themselves to a great extent. What drew them to this ship is similar to what draws a moth to a flame: Ignorance!
Most among the ranks of this ship were newcomers to the fandom. They were destitute in mind and in heart! For these are the ones who are young in age and youth is a great breeding ground for ignorance.
But the elderly and intellectual few that compose their ranks are fierce! They are not ignorant in their skills! They are ignorant in choice! To choose to invest their skills in such a ship is the epitome of ignorance!
Abasement will be their lot wherever they are found! Their presence in the forums must incur the same kind of wrath from us that was incurred in them at our presence!
This shall be their refutation and all shall say this unto them: "Lo and behold! Advanceshippers, you know not the machinations of love! Tis May unto Drew and Ash unto Misty! This has been made very clear and all with a brain know this! Write what you will in your fanfics, but know that your fics will never manifest themselves into reality!"
BANISH THEM!
<0n the Pearlshippers>
Of all our opponents, it is the pearlshippers that have the most potential! Of them we see the same thing of the advanceshippers, they are ignorant! Most of them are newcomers to the fandom or Ex-advanceshippers.
A conspiracy is afoot between the pearlshippers and the advanceshippers to undermine the pokeshippers! More and more of the advanceshippers are converting to pearlship! The Ex-advanceshippers have an immense hatred of pokeshipping and have declared in their hearts: "Tis Dawn and Ash! Tis they! All other ships hold more credence than the pokeship!"
They are all guilty of Apostasy and should not be trusted even if those among them convert to the one true ship.
The pearlshippers hold no evidence as of yet, but time shall surely yield some in the future. We must arm ourselves in preparation for this and hold fast to our ship, lest these infidels poke a hole in it.
The pearlshippers are beyond refutation, but say unto them: "Those who disbelieve in the one true ship, neither their beliefs nor their evidence avail them aught against our wrath! Dawn tis simply an emulation of Misty...a recycled inferior that dust not come close to the original."
BANISH THEM!
<0n Pokeshipping unity>
Oh you who believe, take not for intimate friends those who are of other ships. They spare no pains to cause you loss. They love that which distresses you. Vehement hatred has already been seen of their kind in the flame wars of yore. Curses have already gushed forth from their mouths, and that which their hearts conceal is greater still...
Lo! You are they who foolishly love them while they love you not! Cease this compassion! If good befalls you, it grieves the disbelievers, and if an evil afflicts you, they rejoice at it. Allow them not to see you in either scenario and banish them all into oblivion!
To establish true unity amongst ourselves we must take the weak in our ranks and teach them. We must impart upon them knowledge and giveth them a threshold for the future. Say unto them: "If you are steadfast and keep your duty, and the disbelievers come upon you in a hostile manner, your fellow shippers will aid you!"
THIS SHALL ESTABLISH UNITY!
.....Yeah, this is a real quote. I can only hope that the person who wrote it is half-kidding.