|
Post by Nina_Lumos on Jun 21, 2008 20:24:39 GMT 12
Samson's in-game counterpart, Bunyan, plays an exact same role in the game. He can be thought of as the unofficial adult guardian of the three orphans. Also, gameplay-wise, Bunyan/Samson is an actual "Master", an important aspect of character development.
Up until this point, I've been faithful to the game. Now, I'm going to take a few liberties, like including a cameo appearance of Ash/Ryu's future soulmate, May/Nina.
Part 4: Chance Encounter Before heading to Mt. Glaus, north of Cedar Woods, Teepo and Ash detoured back to Mcneil. "What? You're asking why we're going back here?" Teepo asked Ash, as they entered the village through the eastern exit, which was most inconspicuous. "Whatever that old man sent Rei to do might be dangerous, right? It won't hurt to have a few supplies. We'll just filch some from the shops again." Ash sweatdropped. While Teepo is memorizing a mental "shopping list"(Healing Herbs, Croc Tears, Ammonias, etc.) he looked around. There's a big crowd at the center of town. Leaving his companion, Ash ventured on to see what's the commotion. "Hey, Ash," Teepo whispered. "Come back here, or they'll see us." Ash didn't listen. Teepo, exasperated, has no choice but to follow. Ash couldn't see anything beyond the crowd, other than their feet. He does see a horse-drawn carriage, however, and from the sounds of the bayings, there are at least a couple of them. By this point, Teepo has caught up to him. "What are you doing, Ash? Am I glad that these townsfolk are too busy with this reception or something, or they'll see us. Come on, this may be an opening we need; the shops are probably empty!" Teepo pulled Ash away from the crowd. The latter caught a glimpse of the carriage before darting out of sight. He could see a little girl about his age from one of its windows. Teepo sighed; so that he could satisfy Ash's curiousity, he led them over the ledge north of town. There, they have a clear view of the spectacle without being seen themselves. The villagers line up the street. In the road, facing south, is the carriage, being pulled by four horses. Flanking each side of the carriage are heavily armored, knights. Even the carriage driver is an armored knight. At the head of the crowd, facing an open side door of the coach, is a portly, balding, middle-aged man. He kept bowing his head to the passengers in the carriage. "That's the mayor of this town, James Mcneil the 13th," Teepo said to Ash. "He gives outrageous taxes to everyone in town. He thinks he's a big cheese, but he's nothing but a wimp without his personal guard." "It's an honor for you to visit, Your-" Mcneil was saying, but he was cut off by the person inside the carriage. "Spare me the pleasantries, James." The mere sound of his voice made Mcneil fall to his knees and bow even lower. "The report on your village's harvest is not very promising this past season." "B- But-" "And then there are the rumors circulating around that you are smuggling goods from between regions. You're on thin ice, Mcneil. Driver, take us out of here." "Yes, Your Majesty." The coach driver pulled on the harness, and the carriage headed south. Inside the carriage, garbed in royal red cape, gold-and-white robes, is Norman Wyn, the monarch of Wyndia. Sitting opposite him is a the little girl. She wears a red dress with pink frills, had blue eyes, and a blue ribbon tying her brown hair in a fluffy ponytail. "May, this is what you see in the countryside, even if that land belongs to Wyndia," Norman was saying. "Corruption abound, and don't get me started on the famine. Now do you see what it's like in the outside world?" "But, Daddy, I really want to see the world from my own eyes. I don't want any guards accompanying me; I want to make friends. And, you won't even let me near the other children in Wyndia." "You are a very important member of my family, May. The royal family. Brigands will surely take that to their advantage if you ever step out of the castle. I cannot let that happen." May sighed, and leaned out the window. While listening to her father, she untied her ribbon, and was holding it in her hands. Unfortunately, a sudden Fall breeze blew their way, and blowing the ribbon out of May's hands. The wind carried the thread south, over the ledge, and right into Ash's face. Startled, Ahs lost his balance and slid off the ledge. "Ash, no!" Teepo shouted in warning. If Ash's antics weren't what caught the villagers' attention, Teepo's shout would have. Mayor McNeil, showing cowardice, ducked behind a tree. Teepo slid down after Ash, who landed, with a thud, on his posterior on level ground. Seconds later, the two of them were surrounded by villagers. "Who are those two troublemakers?" McNeil shouted from the tree. "It's Teepo and that new kid," one farmer said. "They must be up to no good again," the woman beside him, who Ash recognized chased Teepo and Rei earlier, added. "Let's teach them a lesson!" "Uh, oh," Teepo muttered, as the villagers closed in on them. "Ash, what have you gotten us into?" "Wait!" "May, no!" The sound of tires screeching from the distance could be heard. The coach, although it was way down south already, stopped, and its door swung right open. The girl Ash saw from behind the carriage's windows appeared, jumping down from the coach. King Norman followed. In May's and her father's wake, all the villagers bowed. McNeil got out of his hiding place and bowled over some other villagers to make his way to the royal family. "I- I'm terrribly sorry, Your Majesty, but these two troublemakers will be dealt with immediately." "No!" May shouted. By this point, she was standing right in front of Ash and Teepo. The latter was bowing in respect as well, but Ash had to get a little push so he can bow himself. May knelt down to Ash. The latter, sensing her closeness, lifted his head off the ground a little and found himself looking into her eyes. "My ribbon," May said gently. "Thank you for grabbing it for me..." Ash was flabbergasted. Without a word, as usual, he handed the ribbon back to May. Seeing how close their faces are, deep inside his head, he can't help thinking how cute, and pretty, she is... Norman turned to McNeil. The latter wouldn't even dare look at him. "Who do you say these kids are again?" "They're a couple of troublemakers, living in the woods north of here. They- they're quite harmless, really," he hastily added. "Uh, excuse us, Your Highness," Teepo said apologetically, without even once looking up, "we'd better, er, go. Our friend may need us right now." "Very well," Norman said. With a wave of his hands, he ordered his guards to make way for the two orphans. Ash and Teepo raced out of the village. Ash didn't even give a second glance to May. May watched them leave. "I never even got his name," she whispered. ===== In record time(having run all the way), Teepo and Ash are now at the foot of Mt. Glaus. An entrance to Cedar Woods is just south of them. Teepo, out of breath, glanced at Ash. "Hey, Ash," Teepo asked, "tell me... Are you red from being tired from all that running, or because of something else?" Steam seemed to come out of Ash's head as he went even redder. The color was emphasized by the sun setting behind the mountain. "Anyway, it's getting dark... We should be able to spot a cabin near the summit. Maybe Rei's staying there too..." Mt. Glaus is completely barren, save for a couple of trees at the base. There's also a river that starts from a waterfall from the side of the mountain. Teepo and Ash followed the river, and, reaching the waterfall, climbed their way up. The rocks near and around the waterfall are, of course, slippery, and the fact that night has fallen, made things difficult. However, the duo made their way to the top. After crossing a wooden bridge over the waterfall, they spotted the cabin Teepo mentioned earlier. Going inside, they found... "Rei!" "...Teepo!? What are you doing here?" Teepo smirked. "Heh! We took care of what old man Sam told us to do in no time and came after you! I was worried about you being out here all alone..." "...You know what, Teepo," Rei said. I think the reason Samson sent me here alone is... Well, because he was worried about you..." "Wh... what do you mean ' worried about us'!? I mean, he said he was keeping us as hostages, right?" At that moment, a loud roar can be heard in the distance. It was enough to make the hair on everyone's back neck rise. "You've heard the rumors, haven't you?" Rei asked. "That the monster that's been attacking the village is here, in the mountains... Samson meant for me to kill it." "Why does he want YOU to kill the monster? I mean, it's real big and strong, right?" "It is... But I'm stronger... If I were alone... But now that you're here... I won't be able to use...Oh, never mind... Boy, doesn't this just beat all... "Well, no use worrying about that now... Let's get some rest-- It'd be dangerous to go out at night..." Rei pointed to a bed in the corner, and a rug beside it. "We can use them to sleep in. Take a good rest, you guys." ===== The monster's cry, louder than what they heard before, wakes all of them up the next morning. "...Wake up, Ash!" Teepo said. Ash's eyes flung open. Rei sniffed the air. "It's him... He's close by... Oh, boy, here we go I guess we have no choice... Let's go out there and get him. You guys ready? I won't be able to protect you all at once, okay?" Ash and Teepo nodded. "Then let's go." To Be Continued
|
|
|
Post by dryuu01 on Jun 22, 2008 2:27:33 GMT 12
I'm not sure if you saw my post in SPPF(I don't go there, except that one time last night to warn you) but in any case, here is my message: Don't expect reviews from the people here. I'm not discouraging you, CJ, but no matter what they say around here, don't get your hopes up just because they said to go for it.
EDIT: If I would have made a BoF novel myself, I'd settle myself with 4 or 5. In my opinion they are more romantic, since that factor drives the plot of both. But, it's your decision.
|
|
|
Post by Nina_Lumos on Jun 23, 2008 5:10:30 GMT 12
Part 5: Monster Hunt The three boys ran outside. Since it's now morning, they now have a good view of the landscape. The cabin they stayed the night in was precariously next to a cliff overlooking the bridge. Behind the cabin is a ledge leading to the summit. On the ledge are numerous freshly-sawed trees. And it's easy to tell that Samson, or any lumberjack for that matter, wasn't responsible. Another roar echoed throughout the mountain, this time louder. The three boys whirled around, and saw, behind the roof of the cabin, what they were looking for. Entirely bluish-green in color, it has the white mane reminiscent of a lion. Its muscular, quadrupedal body is similar to a gorilla. There is not one, but three tails supplementing the back. Each tail has a sharp, black stinger whose purple color easily means it drips venom. "That's it," Rei said calmly. "That's the Nue. Stay on your toes, everyone!" The Nue jumped off the ledge. One of its tails slammed through the cabin roof, destroying it in one swipe. The Nue landed right in front of its prey. It was flexing its biceps, on both hind and front legs. It all happened in a matter of seconds. The Nue jumped forward, and backhanded Rei with its huge fists, knocking him backwards. Then the Nue tried lashing out one of its poisonous tails at Rei. Luckily, the latter recovered from the initial blow and ducked out of the way of the second. "Rei! Flare!" Teepo, to Ash's bewilderment, has cast a spell that ignited the ground around the Nue, making the latter flinch for a moment. "Ash, go attack it while it's weak!" Teepo shouted. Thrust into the middle of the action, Ash ran forward, swinging madly and blindly at the Nue. The latter balled its "hands" into fists and socked one towards Ash. "No!" Rei groaned. Being quite swift, he sprinted between the attack and Ash, and wedged the punch between his arms and body. "Now, Ash, hit it with your dagger!" Rei shouted over his shoulder. Ash sawllowed, then thrust his dagger forward, past Rei, and stabbing the Nue on the left chest. Rei jumped back, and grabbed Ash with him, then shouted to Teepo, "Now, Teepo!" "Right! Jolt!" Teepo cast another spell, that of lightning, which appeared from the palm of his hands. The lightning hit the dagger on the Nue's chest, electrocuting it. The Nue roared in pain, slashing at everywhere. As a final blow, Rei sent one of his own daggers flying straight toward the Nue, the blade grazing its neck. The dagger hit a tree stump nearby. The Nue grabbed its chest in exhaustion. He gave another roar, before jumping out of sight again. "Let's go, we mustn't lose sight of him!" Rei told his allies. The three sprinted up the mountain, picking up Rei's dagger along the way. At the summit, they saw a cave opening against the rock wall. "That must be where it fled, Rei," Teepo said. "Okay, we're going in, but be ready for anything," Rei cautioned. The first thing they found was a trail of blood. It wasn't easy to miss; it blends in with the dank cave floor. The party followed the trail of blood, ducking their heads from a flock of fleeing bats along the way, until they made it to an underground river. There is also a waterfall there, where the river around the whole must have started. The blood trail stops there. "Hey! I think I figured it out!" Teepo said suddenly. "It must have jumped into the water to get away... Yeah... That's it." "...You're probably right," Rei agreed. "So, how do we go after him?" "... ... ...I dunno." The group trudged on further deeper into the cave, following the river. It wasn't until they reached a level higher than that of the waterfall did Teepo have another thought. "OK, OK, this time I really got it! We dive in from here! And then we float down to that spot we saw before," he added, indicating the waterfall. "Yeah... That's it." "Hmmmm. What do you think, Ash? Is Teepo right?" Ash nodded. "OK, Ash... You go first..." Ash sweatdropped. The current of the river was too strong for them to be swimming. It took them down, down to the waterfall. But, at the waterfall, instead of falling all the way, they landed on a secret cave behind the water! "Heh heh... See, I told you so!" Teepo gloated, as he wringed his hair dry. "Uh-huh," Rei admitted. He shook his whole body around like a dog, wetting Ash who just got dry himself. "But what would we have done if we kept on going? I guess it worked out OK, so let's go!" As the three made their way through the new cave, they spotted a new opening at the far corner. Bloodshot eyes can be seen shining from within it. "It's the monster!!" Rei warned, holding his friends back. The Nue jumped out of the opening, Ash's dagger still sticking out of its chest. He looks pretty worn out," Teepo observed. "This should be easy, right, Rei?" "I hope so..." The three boys brandished their weapons. The Nue then suddenly lunged at them. Ash closed his eyes, bracing for impact, but it never came. He opened his eyes to find the Nue standing on its feet, very still. "...It's dead," Rei said. It died on its feet... like it was trying to protect the cave behind it... Fearing that there may be more Nue beyond the cave, the three boys entered with caution. What they found wasn't exactly what they were expecting... Lying on a bednest of hay and dead leaves, were three small chimeras. They're cubs of the Nue, but it looks like they've been dead for a long time... Rei shook his head. "That Nue must not have realized they were dead and kept on bringing food back for them..." "Boy, it wasn't too bright, was it?" Teepo asked. "I mean, its cubs were already dead..." "If this doesn't beat all..." Rei muttered. "Sheesh... Anyway, let's get out of here..." Upon exiting the cave, the strong current of the waterfall stung their faces. Having no other choice, the three boys jumped back in, and let the current take them out of the cave. The current took them out of the cave, down the main waterfall, and back to the base of Mt. Glaus. Samson is waiting for them there. "So...How does it feel to do some real work for a change, mmm? When spring comes... The animals will return, and life will get a little easier... You all did a good job... congratulations!" Samson tried walking away, but Rei stopped him. "Wait a minute... You knew the Nue was only hunting for food for her cubs... And you still had us kill her!?" "If you had known she had cubs... would you have let her live...?" Samson continued on walking. Just as he reached the exit, he added, "What you've done here will not go unrewarded. I'll see to it that the whole of McNeil will hear the news." ===== And so, spring came at last.
Spring came to the mountain, and to the woods, and to their inhabitants.
And the virtue of the young boys who saved the village from the ferocious Nue Chimera...
Will earn them a place in the villagers' hearts...To Be Continued
|
|
|
Post by JbstormburstADV on Jun 23, 2008 12:07:13 GMT 12
Unfortunately, Ryu's right. In fact, it's almost as bad in terms of reviews as Seribii. Besides, I would review, but since I have no clue at all about BoF, I'd rather play it safe.
|
|
|
Post by Nina_Lumos on Jun 23, 2008 18:36:26 GMT 12
The reason Ryu/Ash doesn't speak is because it's the trend for Breath of Fire series to have its protagonist mute, excepting V, where Ryu is the one talking and Nina the one being mute. I'm sorry, I just couldn't find the right dialog for him.
Part 6: Just Rewards It was early in the morning. However, a rooster can be heard crowing in the horizon. This was followed by the chirping of robins in the forest. "I'm home!" Teepo burst through the front door of the treehouse excitedly. Ash and Rei are both sitting around the dinner table, waiting for him. "I went to the west woods, looking for animals and berries... and look what I found!" Teepo dumps three fresh, and ripe, apples onto the table. Ash's mouth watered, not having any breakfast yet, at the sight of the food. "Now we won't have to worry about food anymore, right Rei? It's a good thing we got rid of that monster, huh?" "...I suppose so," Rei agreed. "Hey! Why don't we go down to the village and show 'em who did it?" Teepo suggested further. "Tell 'em who got rid of the monster!" "Hmmm... ... ... I don't know... Isn't it better if we don't brag about it?" "W.. Why's that?" Rei shrugged again. "But... ... ... I suppose it wouldn't hurt to go see what they're saying about us, would it?" "Then we can go!?" Rei nodded in defeat. "Then come on, come on!" The three boys made their way out of the Cedar Woods and straight into Mcneil Village. Upon entering, they found the village eeriely empty. "That's funny...no one's here... I told everyone that we'd be coming into town today..." Teepo said. "What?" Rei exclaimed. "I knew you were bragging! I knew it!" "Heh heh..." Teepo gave a nervous laugh. At that moment, the sound of a dozen doors swinging open can be heard. All over the village, people came milling out to crowd around Ash and the others. Some of them were holding picks and sickles, but right now they were like weapons... "Hey, Teepo... What's going on?" Rei asked. "Hey, Rei," a man from behind him said. "Is it true about what they said...? That you three killed the Nue?" Rei turned to him. "Well... um yeah..." The oldest villager, probably the elder, massaged his temple, thinking. "So what Samson was saying is true then..." "So you mean you risked your lives ...for us?" an old woman asked. "I guess you could say that," Rei said. "Well done!!" exclaimed the village elder. "Looks like we misjudged you boys... We're sorry... and we're grateful... "We certainly are!" the old woman added. "If we'd known what you were really like before, well then...You won't need to steal anything ever again! We'll give you food whenever you need it-- just ask!" The three boys were completely dumbfounded. The rest of the villagers crowded closer around them, voicing their gratefulness. Minutes later, these same villagers headed on south to resume their work in the fields. Soon the boys were alone on the village street again, save for a man in green cloak lurking close by. "Doesn't that just beat all," Rei said, smirking. "What do you think of that-- we're heroes!?" Teepo grinned. "I don't know about you... but I feel pretty important..." Suddenly, the cloaked man made his presence known. "Heh heh... You guys are something I'm really impressed... No, I mean it...I am." "Who are you?" Teepo asked. "Me? My name is Loki. I guess you guys are heroes, eh? Saved the village, yeah? Yep, you three are certainly heroes... yep, yes indeed. "What is it that you want, Loki?" Rei asked. He gets the feeling that this guy cnnot be trusted. Loki, however, didn't listen. "Yep, you're really something...I mean, you killed that Nue, something no one else was able to do... ...That's why, seeing as you're so strong... I wanted to ask for your help..." Rei motioned for Teepo and Ash, and they huddled around so Loki won't hear them. "What do you think, guys?" Rei asked his companions. "Well, we are getting to be heroes," Teepo thought out loud, "so why not do more heroic stuff, huh?" "I guess," Rei said. he turned back to Loki. "Okay, Loki, we'll listen to what you have to say." Loki was completely elated. "Oh! You'll help me? I just knew you would! Down the road, there's a little hut on the roadside... I'll meet you there later, perhaps sundown... OK? Then we have a deal." Loki hastily left. "What now?" Teepo asked. "We have a lot of time before sundown..." "Might as well bask in all our newfound glory," Rei suggested, grinning and shrugging. Ash and Teepo also smiled. ===== And so they did. The villagers are now being friendly to the three boys. Rei was able to get some discount from the supply and weapon shops. The former allowed Rei to give to Ash a new weapon to replace the one he lost to the Nue: a Broadsword, and the latter allowed them to replenish their rations and supplies. Teepo was boasting the deed to a group of cute town girls, who were quite impressed. He certainly knows how top charm young women his age. Ash was wondering if Teepo could give him some pointers, then remembered that the girl that he was after, who he keeps seeing in his dreams, wasn't exactly an "easy prize". Speking of Ash... He got some fishing gear and a few pointers from the son of the elder. Ash also found himself quite proficient with the sport. He was able to fish a large River Bass on his very first try, and soon had a good stock of fish to add to their supplies. When it came to the time of their rendezvous with Loki, the boys regrouped and headed to the farm. Turns out that the hut Loki pointed them to was the same hut that Ash used earlier in the year to dress up. Loki was already inside. "So, what do you want?" Rei asked again. "Well, I'm sure you've heard the stories too. You know, the ones about Mr. McNeil?" "That he's cheap and greedy?" Teepo asked. "There's lots of people like that," Rei pointed out. "Yes, but... well, don't you think... that McNeil is a little, well, too greedy? Hmmm?" Rei crossed his arms. "So you're saying... You want us heroes to steal everything back, is that it?" "Um...well... If you stole the tax money and gave it back to the villagers..." "It'll make us even more popular, right?" Teepo said eagerly. "So you'll do it, then?" Loki beamed. "Oh, thank you so much! There's no time to waste! You should go tonight!" ===== Waiting for nightfall was, of course, faster than waiting for sundown. Rei and the others spent their time holed up in the hut, while Loki scouted around. When he returned, Loki said, "It's night, everybody! Let's go, let's go!" On their way east, up the largest hill towards the impressive McNeil manor, Loki had a few more things to say. "They just finished repairing the wall, so it might be hard to find a way in, but... I'm sure people as resourceful as you can find a way, right?" "All right, let's go! Ash! Rei!" ===== The surrounding estate of the manor is just some grassy plains. There's a rundown shack near the southern exit of the area, where Loki offers them bedrest if they want to; in other words, it's their base for the night. McNeil Manor is surrounded by a tall brick wall. The gate is surrounded by heavily-armed guards of the mansion. "Looks like we're not going in that way," Rei muttered, as he peered at the gate from behind a tree. "There must be another way," Teepo thought out loud. Ash, meanwhile, wandered further from his companions. At the far west corner of the wall, is a differently-colored part of the wall. This must be where Loki said the repairs on the wall was made. "Find anything?" Rei asked, coming from behind, Teepo wasn't far. He walked past Ash and towards the repaired wall. "Hey... isn't that the wall they were working on before...?" Rei leans against the wall. "I wonder..." The wall suddenly topples over, taking Rei with it! "...Rei!" Teepo exclaimed. "Are you OK?" Rei stood up, brushing dirt off himself. "Don't this just beat all... So much for the perfect repair job... This isn't exactly how I planned it... But I'll take any break I can get... OK, let's go." To Be Continued
|
|
|
Post by Nina_Lumos on Jun 24, 2008 16:19:58 GMT 12
Paul was right, why should I even post my story here anymore? No one ever reviews... Part 7: Break-in The size of McNeil manor's walls defines what it protects inside. McNeil's front yard is just as vast, with walls and stairs everywhere. The whole portion of the front door down to the gate was heavily guarded. Ash and his friends tried using a maze of hedges to their advantage, but they were immediately spotted by the nearest guard. "Who goes there!?" The three readied their weapons. "Oh, it's just Rei... "Hey, if you beat that Nue... then I don't stand a chance against you, right?" Rei shrugged. "You're a pretty smart fellow... We're going in, OK?" "...50 zenny," was the response. Rei sweatdropped, then tossed the monetary amount to the guard, which the latter quickly pocketed. He nodded to the three. "Heh heh... thanks. Our salary's not that great, you know? He then whirled around, facing the other way. "Go right ahead... I didn't see anything." Teepo raised an eyebrow, then went after Rei along the hedges, beckoning Ash to follow. They went up the first set of stairs lining the manor. On the first flight up, Ash noticed something on the ground. He bent down to pick it up. "What did you find, Ash?" Teepo whispered. Ash held it out for them to see. "A wallet? What's a wallet doing lying around here?" "Never mind that, you two, come on," Rei motioned them forward. No sooner did they start walking did another guard spot them. However, he saw something else first. "Hey! That's my wallet! I've been looking for it everywhere!" Having no choice, Ash relinquished the wallet. "I really shouldn't do this, but seeing as you found my wallet... I'll let you through, OK?" After passing the wallet-losing guard, the three found themselves in the main yard. It doesn't have any good hiding space, and even more guards are milling everywhere. Rei quickly saw a way out of their dilemma. "Ash, see that post over there?" he asked, pointing to the place. It wasn't very far from where they are hiding. "There's a bell over there. Maybe, just maybe, if you ring it, the guards will think it's quitting time?" "Why does it have to be Ash?" Teepo asked. "Because he's the smallest of the three of us. He won't be easily seen..." Ash sweatdropped, but he has no choice. Ash tried his best to be stealthy. He easily snuck past two of the guards, who were holding lanterns to see into the night, and climbed the post, hoping not to make noise.He then struck the bell with his sword, emitting a loud DING. The guard nearest the post turned off his lamp. "Hey! Quitting time..." He walked away from his post. It took no time at all for Rei and Teepo to catch up to Ash. "Good work, Ash," they praised. Ash doesn't know whether or not to beam at the compliment. After all, wht they're doing is definitely wrong in his eyes. With less guards, the three were able to reach the courtyard. The front door of the house is now very close by. They saw a guard lounging at the fountain in the courtyard.He didn't even bother to stand up when he saw them. I don't know... I mean, if I let you through here... it'll look like I wasn't doing my job, right?" The guard thought of something fr a moment. "I hate to ask you this, but... Do you think you could go over to the gate and get rid of the dog that's there?" He pointed to the front gate. "See, that way... It'll look like the dog's fault, not mine, right? Please?" Rei shook his head. "Don't that just beat all? They're all a bunch of goof-offs!" Having no other choice, they approached the front gate. A low growl met them there. The dog is a very large, white Pitbull. Completing its intimidating ensemble is a flea collar with spikes that look like they can puncture holes through a human. "Ha ha ha..." Teepo shuddered. "It doesn't seem right, picking on a little dog like this, Rei," he said sarcastically. "Would you say the same thing if he'd bitten your butt while you were climbing over the wall, Teepo?" Both Ash and Teepo sweatdropped. "Rather this than another Nue... Let's do it!" The dog charged forward, chomping like crazy. All three boys jumped out of the way. Luckily, the yard was so vast, that no one could see what's happening. Starting things off, Teepo cast a silent Jolt to paralyze the dog. It didn't last long, but it was enough. both Rei and Ash lashed their weapons aginst the dog, scarring its face. Rei then slammed the bottom hilt of his dagger at the dog, effectively knocking it out. "Well, that is done," Rei muttered, as they stowed the prone body of the dog at a corner of the gate, where it can't be seen. "That guy can let us through now, right?" Indeed, the lazy guard just let them pass now. Since the front door was still gurded, the thieves have no other choice but to go past the courtyard. On the other side, they found themselves on another small hedge maze. But they weren't alone. There were two more people in the depths of the maze. A man and a woman, both no older than Rei. The man has a mohawk, making him look like a punk, and the brown-haired woman had her back turned on him. "M-M -Mina," the man nervously said. "W-w-would you like to s-s-spend some time with me?" "I don't know," was Mina's reply. Rei beckoned his friends not to bother with the two. They left the hedge maze, and found themselves at the far end of the mansion. There was a chicken coop on this side, also guarded. "I wonder what Mina's doing now," the guard wondered. Ash and the others approach, and told the guard of what they overhead. "What? You say Mina's here! With another man!? That's terrible! I can't believe it!" The guard hastily left, and the coop was left open. The three boys went inside. A strong odor of chicken wastes met their noses upon entry. Rei surveyed the room. For a house of chickens, the place is huge, that they can't even see the far edge of the wall. "Why did we even go in here? There's obviously no way inside the house from here. Doesn't this just beat all..." Something caught Teepo's eyes, however. At the nearest nest, were a bunch of eggs. He hastened towards the eggs, grabbing and pocketing them. "Since we can't get in the house 'cause of all the guards, why don't we just steal some eggs and go home!" "Um...I don't think so... Aren't you setting your sights a little low there, Teepo?" Teepo didn't hear what Rei said. It was because he saw something that startled him, that made him jump backwards. "Whoa! Rei!" A very large rooster, larger than even Rei, jumped in front of them from the back of the room. Obviously, the eggs that Teepo filched were his, and he's not planning on giving them without a fight. "Boy, Teepo," Rei said sarcastically, "you sure know how to get all of us in trouble, you know that?" "Heh heh... Oops..." Feathers flying, the rooster's crowing filled the room with an earsplitting noise, that the trespassers had to cover their ears. He then charged at them, pecking madly at the boys. "Ow! Hey!" "Stop that!" "Ouch, ouch!" Teepo, losing his patience, swung his rapier madly at the rooster, but the latter was quite fast for its size. The rooster fled to the coop's chicken feed dispenser, and dipped his beak into it. When the rooster's beak re-emerged, it fired corn seeds, pelting them with bullet-like corn seeds. "That chicken sure knows how to fight, Rei!" Teepo said, shielding his head from the projectiles. "I'm not into this sort of thing, but this is all I can do," Rei replied. "But that birdbrain has to know who he's dealing with..." Once again, he threw one of his daggers at the rooster. It didn't hit the targte, instead the wall behind it. But it was enough for Rei to drive his point. Now frightened of the intruders, the rooster fled out of the coop, followed by nearly two dozen hens. "Uh, oh," Rei muttered. "If this gets out of hand, we might get discovered. Come on!" However, the effect was not what Rei had in mind, apparent when they went outside. The chickens leaving their coop was causing utter chaos! "Whoa! What's happening!?" one guard exclaimed. "Eeeeeeeeeeek!" Mina shrieked. "The chickens! They're escaping!" came another guard's response. "Close the gates! Everyone after the chickens! Rocky's been acting up again..." "Boy, doesn't that just beat all," Rei said. "That worked better than we could have hoped for... We should be able to sneak into the house real easy now!" The chaos the fowls caused was enough of a distraction for the intruders to reach the steps leading into the mansion's front door. But, much to their dismay, the door is still heavily guarded! "Should we give up?" Teepo asked. "...No, not that we've gone this far... Let's force our way in..." "Force... You mean... fight the guards?" Teepo asked. Rei shook his head. "No... I'll act as a decoy... And while they're after me, you two sneak in... I'll climb up to the roof and meet you there, OK?" Before they could stop him, Rei ran up the steps, catching the attention of the guards at the door. He taunted them, then ran to the far side of the manor. All of the guards on the post went after him. Teepo turned to Ash. "Don't worry... Rei's really good at running... Let's go, Ash!" With the front door unguarded, Teepo and Ash were able to make their way in without notice. Rei saw this, just as he was about to be cornered on the eastern wall of the mansion. "...Here goes nothing... Meet you at the top, you guys..." With his mobility, Rei managed to reach the roof in one leap, much to the distress of his pursuers. To Be Continued
Another Pokemon tie-in, although it's just a small one. The method Rocky the Rooster attacked Rei and friends with corn is similar to Bullet Seed.
|
|
|
Post by JbstormburstADV on Jun 25, 2008 3:00:31 GMT 12
No, no, no. That's not what he meant. What he meant was that this place is almost as devoid of reviews as Seribii, so he told you to not expect any reviews. However, even if my stories weren't reviewed, I'd still post them because, it's kinda neat to have so many different fics.
|
|
|
Post by XAOTL on Jun 26, 2008 6:12:36 GMT 12
Well i've finally read it all... Now I must get this review over with. You seem to be sticking to the game a bit too much, and alotugh it would give a strong storyline, it dose create a few problems. I men ash dosn't talk. He hasn't said a word. So there isn't really much of a character in him at all. My advice would be to deviate away from the game slightly, making some of your own scenes, maybe from the freindship beetween the three. or something completely different. Other than that. Seeing as you're describing things from the game, well they're not bad. not bad at all. Writing wise things couldn't be better, you used Ryu once instead of Ash but that's it. Yuor spelling and grammar. Full marks for that. But I still don't have much of a focal point on Ash, who is the main character, so that's my only critique. Story wise the gang seem to be getting a lil love from the village. Even tough they're robbing the mayor. But seeing how incompitent his guards are... why hasn't anyone tryed it before but don't get discouraged by reviews. Usually if you keep on going people start to take notice, no matter what site you post on.
|
|
|
Post by dryuu01 on Jun 26, 2008 14:43:30 GMT 12
CJ got me into helping her with thinking of dialog for Ryu/Ash, but I will say that it's not much. Even I can't think of what Ash can say when in the appropriate situations. In accordance with the Pokemon tie-ins, well... All Ryus in each game have access to a powerful alter-ego. English has their names portrayed differently, but their original names are one and the same: the Kaiser Dragon. I(known as Rudra; Ryu's most powerful "single" transformation) II(known as G.[Great] Dragon) III(this is the first time the name Kaiser is formally used; also a very important plot element) IV(also called Kaiser, and also another important plot element) V(This is Odjn. He's the only dragon, in the game, linked to Ryu, but considering Ryu's power when in dragon form, he's on par with Kaiser) I'll try convincing her, that the tie-in would be that Ash's equivalent to the Kaiser will be, well, patterned after this guy, of course: I even made up a new name. Czar Dragon(a synonymous title with kaiser; also a pun on Charizard)
|
|
|
Post by Nina_Lumos on Jun 27, 2008 1:46:33 GMT 12
I've been looking at the post counts, of course. When I put up my last chapter, it was 119, at least until you reviewed. That means, no one really even reads my fics...
Part 8: Haunted Mansion The interior of McNeil mansion is very dull. Cream-colored wallpapers, and the entire floor lined with velvet-red carpet. The ceiling is lit by a very elegant gold-and-crystal chandelier. Opposite the main entrance is two symmetrical stairways leading to the second floor. Ash pointed to a door to their right, then to another door opposite it. The former is normal, but the latter is boarded up. "What the-?" Teepo exclaimed. "Why is that door boarded up? You think McNeil may be hiding something there?" Only one way to find out. Together, Ash and Teepo tried prying off the floorboards pasting the door, but it was completely shut. Teepo also tried using his Flare spell, but it was no use. "Might as well check the other one before we go up, huh, Ash?" The room beyond the second door was a hallyway of paintings. Each and every one of the portraits contain almost the same subject: a portly, balding man, although there are differences between each. They are portraits of all the different Mcneils, dating to almost 200 years. "These must be all the other McNeils," Teepo thought out loud. He suddenly felt a shiver climb up his spine. "...Ash... Do you feel like we're being watched?" Now that his companion mentioned it, Ash also felt a nervous feeling around the room. "Doesn't look like there's any guards," Teepo continued. "I've got a pretty funny feeling... I g-guess it's just my imagination..." To the right of the painting room is another set of stairs heading to the second floor. A quick investigation of the upper level revealed it to be a dead end: the door leading out of it was boarded up, too. Behind the stairwell, is a singles bedroom. There is a snappily-dressed butler beside the lone bed, and what he's got to say doesn't help the eerie atmosphere one jot. "Sometimes at night... Even though there's no one there... I hear voices coming from that room..." The butler pointed back at the painting room. "Let's get out of this room, Ash," Teepo said, when they made their way back to the painting room. "This is giving me the creeps." Out of the room, they had no other choice than to head up from the main entrance. However, before they could even have a step up the stair, something stopped them short. Not only did it stop them, but it also pushed them back. "No one is allowed to trespass in the ancient home of the McNeils!" Teepo and Ash looked around for the source of the voice. "What's that!? Who's there? Show yourself!" Three floating fireballs, the one in the center slightly larger than the other two, appeared from thin air, right in front of them. "Fire spirit," Teepo muttered. "This place is haunted, Ash!" "I am Torast... The spirit of the fifth McNeil..." "Are we supposed to be afraid of you? Ha! We killed the Nue! We're not afraid of you!" Teepo took out his rapier. Ash followed his example, then thought, how are they going to harm a ghost? "Ha! Fools! You think we McNeils are the same as some animal like that? Remember my name well: Torast, the 5th Mcneil!" The two smaller fireballs start spinning rapidly arpund the third, creating a whirlwind. Menacing yellow eyes emerged from the vortex, followed by a pair of pale-blue disembodied hands. Torast's ghost body, red, emerged last. "You can ponder the error of your ways in the grave!" Torast summoned a pendulum from out of nowhere, and started swinging it back and forth in front of Ash and Teepo. "Ash, don't look at it! It may be a trap!" Teepo warned, but it was too late. Ash's hea dis now lolling up and down, like he was in a trance. Torast motioned with his hands, and Ash, glazed eyes and all, went and slashed at Teepo! The latter was barely able to parry the attack with his own weapon, then kicked Ash to knock him back. "Ash! Snap out of it!" All Teepo could do was block and parry Ash's sword swings, otherwise he might hurt his friend. Teepo backhanded Ash, knocking him out for a second, then turned to Torast. He charged a spell, and aimed it at the ghost. "Flare!" Torast flinched as flames surround him, but his control on Ash persisted. Teepo kept running around the large room, whilst evading Ash's attacks and continuing to cast Flare at the ghost. Teepo can't keep this up forever, so he had to change tactics. Much to Torast's surprise, Teepo charged straight for him. Torats tried defending himself with a Resist spell, and suceeded; Teepo's attack was repelled. However, at the last moment the Resist paling faded, Ash came up from behind Teepo, slashing madly in his direction! Teepo ducked, and Ash hit Torast instead. Teepo stood back up from behind them, and used a new, higher-level fire spell: "Simoon!" Ash was thrown backwards by the imploding Fire-wind spell, Simoon. Torast, however, wasn't so lucky, and was caught in the middle of the blast. His whirlwind and his body dispersed, leaving only a single fireball; its smaller companions were gone. Ash was completely returned to normal after defeat. Torast was disbelieving, and trembling, as he said, "W-who are you!? Forgive me, my brethren... I have failed all of you... gack!" After that, Torast fled to the inner depths of the manor. "I hate ghosts... they give me the creeps... I hope we don't meet any more ghosts, huh, Ash?" Without any more ghosts haunting them, Ash and Teepo proceeded up the stirs.The corridor to the right leads to a library, and the other side of the boarded door they saw earlier. To the left, however, was a path, past more blockaded doors, leading to a balcony looking over an inner courtyard. "There's someone out here," Teepo said, before going out the door to the balcony. Indeed, standing there is a single person in this balcony. It is the same McNeil Ash and Teepo saw in the village: the squat, whimpering bald man. "Welcome, my little friends," Mcneil said in open arms. "I'm McNeil-- the owner of this mansion." "Really? Well, this makes things simple, then! You're the villain we've been looking for!" "Ho ho ho ho! Villain? Me? Why am I a villain? Because I collect taxes from my people? What's wrong with that?" Ash, getting that weird feeling again, took out his sword, trembling. "What's wrong, Ash? What! He's an impostor!?" "Ho ho ho ho! Imposter? Me? No...I am McNeil... Kassen McNeil, the spirit of the third McNeil!" Mcneil vanished, revealing it to only be an illusion. Like Torast, Kassen's spirit is manifested through three fireballs, one larger than the two. using the same process, the fire spirit manifested into another stereotypical ghost form, this time purple. Also, like Torast, he also has disembodied hands. "Did you think you'd be able to just take that which we have handed down through the generations?" Teepo took his rapier, and prepared to fight as well. "We'll never be able to get treasure this way, but if we have to fight our way through, then so be it!" To Be Continued
Sorry to cut it short, but this time I'm writing the battles alone, and it's not pretty much my thing exactly.
It's typical RPG fare for undead enemies(ghosts, zombies) to be weak against fire. I don' know why, but I think it's a reference to the monster in Frankenstein...
|
|
|
Post by XAOTL on Jun 28, 2008 0:38:38 GMT 12
Well, I've never heared of a Ghost to be waek againt fire but that must just be me A couple of spelling mistakes at the beggining, altough I don't usually complain about them. But plot wise, I can say it was pretty well done, with several things fitting into place perfectly, with the ghosts. As well as some foreshadowing. so in terms of flow. there are close to no problems there. But back to reviews. Add up these hits with those on the other sites that you've posted on. That'll give you a more accurate prediction of how many people read. That and I find people who review fics get reviewed in turn. People are reading, it may just take some time for them to review.
|
|
|
Post by Nina_Lumos on Jun 29, 2008 20:51:01 GMT 12
This chapter will be long. This is so I can finish the McNeil chapter already and head on to the next, which will introduce the main antagonists of Ash and his friends during childhood. Soon during that event, May will finally be formally grafted into the main cast!
Part 9: McNeil LegacyAsh, remembering their past supernatural encounter, immediately closed his eyes. Instead, he felt something ice-cold wrap around his neck, like a vice. Opening his eyes, he saw Kassen's hand wrapped tightly around his neck. Kassen started draining Ash of his energy through the hands. "Ash!" Teepo stabbed at the ghost, but Kassen phased through the weapon. Then Kassen, using his other dismembered hand, punched at Teepo, sending him reeling dangerously close to the balcony's edge. Ash, meanwhile, tried struggling out of the vicegrip. But the greater he struggles, the more of his strength sapped, and his stamina drained. His focus slowly decreasing, he slashed blindly at Kassen. However, Kassen phased through the attack, too. Teepo ran up to Ash again, and this time he tried to pry the ghost hand off his friend's neck. Kassen turned his sights on him, and locked the other hand onto Teepo as well! "Heh, heh," Kassen said, tightening his grip on Teepo. "You can't cast your spells when you can't speak, now, can you?" he taunted. "You boys are way in over your heads!" Ash was turning purple; he was running out of air. He felt like something inside him is about to explode, and explode it did. Ash, from the pit of his stomach, literally breathed fire, right at Kassen! The latter, caught off-guard, flinched, and let go of his two captives. Teepo, not hesitating a second more, finished him off with another Simoon spell. Kassen's demise was exactly the same as Torast before him, ending up as a single trembling fireball. "Ohhhhh!! Impossible! You defeated me!! But I'm not the last-- You haven't seen the last of the McNeils!" Kassen fled. Teepo turned to Ash. He saw Ash use the fire breath, but his vision was blurrin g from suffocation that he doesn't know what it really was. "Hey, Ash, I didn't know you were a spellcaster, too, huh?" Ash, who was massaging his neck, just shrugged. The two, after recovering their breaths, the two gave chase to the ghost, even though it already has a headstart. Through the rest of the balcony, right to another door way at the back, to a room with a staircase. The boys tried going down the stair, but they were repelled by a barrier, knocking them back. "That's as far as you go!!" The one who shouted, and apparently the same one who erected the barrier, was yet another fire spirit, making his entrance from the balcony. "You deserve praise for getting this far... But!" "All the ghosts here sure talk a lot, huh?" Teepo interrupted. "You will go no further! I, Galtel, the 12th McNeil, will see to that! Your thieving days are over!" Galtel's transformation from spirit to a material form was quite similar to his predecessors. However, Galtel's color is that of pale-blue, reminiscent of actual ghosts. "You know," Teepo said, sighing deeply, "I always thought ghosts were really creepy, you know?" "Weaken!" Teepo suddenly felt his rapier vibrating violently from his hand. "What the-" Before he thinks anything else could happen, he ran to Galtel and stabbed him. Instead of phasing like Kassen, Galtel held his ground, and the rapier didn't even damage him! Galtel cast another weaken, the sword-blunting spell, this time at Ash's sword. Ash moved his sword around erratically, to make it avoid the spell's effect. Teepo tried casting Simoon again instead of attacking, but found that he's exhausted his ability. So he had to resort to attacking, even with a Weakened weapon. Galtel erected a Shield spell to further deplete the damage inflicted from the physical attacks. Ash and Teepo, however, persisted to keep hammering at their opponent with sword attacks. It wasn't all defending for Galtel; he's using the shields as weapons as well. Teepo saw magic glyphs surround him, for just a bit second, then realized they were going to sandwich him, so he rolled out of the way. But he was hit right in the face by another glyph, and was knocked back. Teepo was being hounded by Glyph Shields as well. He nearly broke his rapier's blade trying to block one, and got a severe backache from another. Pretty soon, Ash and Teepo found themselves with their backs literally against each other, surrounded in a circle by the Shields, and they're closing in, fast. "Ash," Teepo muttered under his breath, "when I say the word, duck, okay?" Ash nodded. "Alright then, NOW!" Ash and Teepo ducked to the floor, just as the Shields crashed in the center of the room where they once stood. What sounded like glass shattering echoed through the whole house. It was apparent that, even though he's a ghost, Galtel is pretty sensitive to sound, and flinched at the loud echoes. This allowed the Weaken on Teepo's sword to dispel, and he wasted no time in closing in on Galtel to finish him off. Galtel's appearance upon his demise is not unlike that of his ancestors. Again, like his predecessors, Galtel fled to the lower level, and the barrier was lifted. Teepo continued his train of thought from before the battle. "But if they're all like the ones here... They're not really scary at all, are they?" Upon descending the staircase, Ash and Teepo found themselves in a furnished kitchen. The cooks there were so busy in preparing food, that they didn't mind seeing trespassers. Like the butler they met before, they all had crazy notions about the house. "McNeil is quite a tightwad," a male cook next to the old-fashioned stove, was saying. "There used to be a lot of servants here, but since the mayor's too cheap they all quit..." "Then again," his companion corrected, a female cook, "for all the taxes he collects, it seems like McNeil himself doesn't have much money..." "True..." Even the head cook, standing right next to the preparation table, doesn't have anything helpful to say. "Even though I work here, I really hate this house... It's too big... The layout's weird... It's just spooky." Ash and Teepo went past the kitchen and the dining room adjacent it. Surprise, surprise, the door leading to it was boarded up as well. At the end of the hallway past the kitchen, is an elevator. "I think this thing can finally take us up to the attic then the roof, Ash," Teepo said. "Then we can meet up with Rei, and finally loot McNeil of all the money he stole!" ===== The story focuses attention back to the painting room for just a moment. The ghosts are resting there, in their respective paintings, all talking about the same intruders. "We have to do something...soon," Torast was saying. "Our only hope is the living McNeil- the 13th," Kassen said. "Mmm...but I don't think he's up to it," Galtel said. "What do you suggest, great-great-grandfather?" "We only have but one choice..." ===== Like Teepo said, the elevator was able to take them to a room that is just below the roof. There is a ladder leading to the very top. There, Teepo thought, "We made it to the roof... I wonder if Rei got away OK?" Ash suddenly pointed to the other side, where one part of the manor is separated from the rest. Rising from the chimney from that roof is smoke. "There's smoke coming out of the chimney! That must be where McNeil is! Nice eyesight, Ash! Now all we have to do is find Rei and a figure a way to get there." Exploring the roof wasn't easy. Three quarters of the roof is sloping, down to the ground below. If that wasn't enough, moss was growing everywhere, making things even more slippier. And lastly, bats littered the night sky. Although they are more of an annoyance, attacking in groups could be dangerous, so Teepo and Ash had to be careful. Ash saw something at the far north end of the roof, after a deal of searching. It's a grappling hook, with a length of rope that he presumes will be enough to get them to the other side. "Ash! Teepo!" Rei appears out of nowhere. His friends ran up to him. "Looks like everything went according to plan. How was it inside? Any trouble?" He shifted guiltily. "Well...I would have gone in to help you but I had to find something first..." Teepo noticed the motion right away. He scoffed. "It was pretty scary-- there were a lot of ghosts and stuff... But it went pretty OK... for one of your plans, I guess." "Thanks...I think... So now we need to get over there But before we do, I need you to help me find something." "You mean this?" Teepo urged Ash to show Rei the grappling hook. "Hey! That's my rope!" Rei took the hook out of Ash's hands. "That's what I figured... Kind of a funny thing to be left on a roof like that..." Rei ignored Teepo's comment. He walked dangerously near the part of the roof where the slope and the moss started. he started spinning the rope and hook in the air, preparing to cast it into the other building. "Don't you worry... With this, we'll be over there in no time... Yoik!" Rei accidentally slipped, and continued slipping over the edge and right onto the second roof. Ash sweatdropped and Teepo raised an eyebrow. "Oops," Rei said under his breath. "That was close... I'll just act like I did it on purpose... Yeah, that's it..." The second time Rei tossed his hook, from his side to Ash and Teepo's, was successful. It wasn't long before they rejoined him on the other side again. "That was real swift, Rei... And here I thought you were letting us do all the hard work... Fighting ghosts and everything by ourselves... While you were just taking it easy on the roof, and having a good time by yourself..." "Hey, when the going gets tough... I'm there, yeah?" Teepo ignored him and continued. "And then, jumping across the roof like that! Be careful you don't hurt yourself working too hard now, Rei!" "OK, OK, I'm sorry, Teepo... I didn't know you'd have to fight ghosts all by yourself. There-- I said I'm sorry, so will you cheer up a little?" Teepo shrugged. Rei sighed, then pointed to a stairwell near them. "We can get inside from there. Let's go." With Rei leading the way, the group headed inside. The first thing they hear upon reaching the foot of the stairs was a woman's scream. The room adjacent the stairwell is the master bedroom. Teepo felt that weird shiver again, like since they first entered the house. It wasn't a surprise, though, as there portraits of McNeils dotting the walls of the master bedroom. The master's bedroom is a whopping 20x20 meters in size. A good twenty feet in front of the entrance is a queen-sized bed. Running around in front of it is a scantily-clad blonde young woman, being playfully chased by none other than James McNeil. "Oh my! What are you doing, Mr. McNeil?" the woman said seductuively while being chased. "Come back here, you vixen..." Mcneil raised his hands in the air, imitating a beast prowling its prey. "Hee hee hee hee... Tee hee... Huh?" This is when Ash and friends finally intrude. "Oh, brother... Doesn't this just beat all," Rei said. McNeil was startled to see them. "W..w..Who are you!" "Who cares who we are?" Teepo said. "We're here to take back all the money you've stolen!" James McNeil, being the wimpy coward he is, cowered behind the woman. "Eeeeek! I don't have anything to do with this! Leave me out of it!" She fled to a room at the back of the bed. "T- take back!? W-w- what do you mean? I just... I just..." "Oh come on now, Mr. McNeil," Rei said irritably. "You've been cheating the people of the village out of their money so you can have your... fun, haven't you!" He nodded in the direction where the woman was hiding. Before anyone could say anything else, the room began to shake violently. Due to the tremor, McNeil lost his balance, and landing on his backside, facing the boys, who kept their ground. The McNeil paintings from around the room flew off their hangings, then spinning around each other in the air, before finally hovering right in front of everyone. The portrait closest to McNeil turned its attention towards him for a second. "..Enough. You are a disgrace to the McNeils..." Teepo recognized the voice immediately that belonged to Torast, the first ghost they encountered. "That's them, Rei! These are the ghosts Ash and I killed... The ghosts of the old McNeils!" All the paintings turned back to them. The eyes on each portrait glowed a horrific yellow. "Hmph! You may have surprised us before... "But that was then.. Now you must face us, not this excuse for a McNeil!" All paintings started burning, from the bottom up. Soon, all of them were now just a puff of black smoke staying in the air. A pair of all-too-familiar yellow eyes emerged from inside of it, and then the body emerged. Pale-pink in color, this creature is essentially a combination of all the ghosts haunting the mansion. In fact, around the body of the main, large ghost, are smaller versions of it, like they're stuck together or something. "Feel our wrath; the wrath of the McNeil Amalgam!" Amalgam sent his smaller clones towards Ash and his friends, surrounding and confunding them. He also summoned other paintings, to use as projectiles against the three boys. Rei ran in front of Ash and Teepo and slashed the paintings as they tried to hit them. Teepo, his ability replenished, began casting Simoon everywhere like crazy. Ash, meanwhile, followed Rei's example, only he attacked the surroundign ghosts instead of the paintings. However, Amalgam called them back, being pulled lkike magents, before he could even lay a hit. Amalgam also erected a magic Barrier around himself, in case he thinks Teepo would be smart to cast his fire spells on him. Indeed, when a Simoon was sent the large ghost's way, it didn't affect him one bit. "Hey, Ash, how about some of that fire spell you've been saving up?" Teepo asked, as he joined Rei in slashing through another horde of paintings; where do they keep coming from? "We could use it right about now..." Problem was, Ash didn't know how he breathed fire then, and still he didn't know it now. Amalgam, much to everybody's surprise, suddenly teleported right next to Ash, and, grabbing the latter, they disappeared! "Ash!" both Rei and Teepo shouted. When Ash came to, he's in a surreal world. He is floating in darkness, and Amalgam's eyes could be seen in the distance. "You are the strongest of the three, so I have to deal with you first!" A disembodied hand reaches out towards Ash, and phased right through him. Ash flinched in pain, near the point of fainting, as Amalgam looked like he was searching for something. But, suddenly, it was Amalgam who was seen writhing in pain as he recalled his hand from out of Ash. "What the-" Amalgam said. His yellow eyes contorted in fear as he saw some very large shadow emerge out of Ash after his own hand. The shadow, eyes glowing red and concentrated on the ghost, opened its invisible mouth, and breathed black flames, engulfing Amalgam! Right after that, Ash came to again, this time finding himself lying on the cold carpeted floor of McNeil's bedroom. Teepo and Rei were kneeling next to him in worry. "You okay, Ash? Rei asked. "I don't know how you did it, but you did; you defeated Amalgam!" After being defeated, Amalgam disappeared into the same black smoke that formed him in the first place. In the end, the smoke fell to the ground as ash, the literal kind. McNeil, a witness to the whole battle, was completely flabbergasted. "Waaaaaaaaaaah," he whimpered. "W-w-w-what's going on!? I-I-I-I-I was ...just I never did... yikes..." Rei walked closer to McNeil. "Take it easy, old man... Those were your ancestors... We're just here to take your money, OK?" "You're pretty dumb, aren't you?" Teepo added. "Hurry up and show us where the money is!" "T-the m-money's over t-there..." McNeil, still crying his head off like a baby, pointed to the back room. "P-p-p-please don't k-k-kill me... Oh, p-p-p-please..." While Ash stayed at the spot to recover from his experience, Rei and Teepo went into the back room. Soon afterwards, the woman fled from the same spot, but not before throwing an insult to James McNeil. "You wimp! What a jerk. Those robbers are a lot more manly than you are!" And she fled once again, this time out of the manor. Teepo's voice echoed from the back room. "Hey, Ash! Come take a look at all this dough!" As soon as Ash left, did the disgraced mayor start to curse under his breath. "...Ha ha ha ha ha...waaaaaah! Just you wait... We'll see who has the last laugh... ...you little brats. "I'll show you who's the real power here..." ===== Leaving the manor, surprisingly unscathed, the boys are ready to distribute the gold they stole to the villagers. However, it was so late in the night by then, no one's outside their homes. So, Rei decided to leave bags of the gold in front of each house, before returning to their treehouse for some much-needed rest. However, little did the Heroes of the Cedar Woods know... the real trouble wouldn't begin until the next day...
To Be Continued
Teepo losing his ability is a translation of losing AP(the substitute for MP in Breath of Fire) in the games.
There's supposed to be a fourth McNeil ghost, named Doksen, but I don't remember his specialty, so I omitted him.
|
|
|
Post by XAOTL on Jun 29, 2008 23:22:37 GMT 12
Well that was... nice. You can tell what's going on all through out the story. And I'm starting to get Teepo's character. As well as Ash becoming ever more strange... He still hasn't opened his mouth. He's still becoming mysterious tough, I mean a demonic shadow, a breath of fire (no pun intended). But I bet this is all going to bite them in the back, in some way or another.
|
|
|
Post by Nina_Lumos on Jul 1, 2008 2:10:36 GMT 12
This is it, the series of events that will send Ash on his journey will finally occur here. It's quite tragic, really...
Part 10: A Family Shunned and Torn The next morning, back at the treehouse hideout, the boys couldn't forget the experience the night before. Teepo, as usual, was the most ecstatic. "That was a lot of fun, wasn't it, Rei?" Teepo said. "That McNeil looked so silly! There's no one who can beat us! We're the best!!" "I don't know if I would go that far," Rei said. "But I'd say things went pretty well last night, eh?" "I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they see what we've done!" Teepo added. Rei nodded. "Yep... Even the people in the village'll start treating us with respect now..." "You bet they will! We haven't stolen anything lately... We got rid of that Nue... C'mon! Let's go down to the village! I want to hear everyone tell us how grateful they are!" Once again, Teepo led his brothers out of the treehouse in a hurry. He pushed them through the stairs of the treehouse, across the bridge, and out of the forest. Wasting no time, the trio arrived at the village at 9:00 AM. However, despite the early time, no one can be seen; McNeil is as deserted as when they left the night before. "Hey," Teepo said, confused. "Where is everyone?" At that moment, a villager was just getting out of her house at the far corner. The boys ran up to her. However, upon the sight of them, she quickly returned to her house, and locked it up. "What-" Rei started. Further ahead, is the weapons store. The proprietor, an old, bearded man, was friendly to them after defeating the Nue, but now he turned a cold shoulder to them. Another villager, the elder's wife, was brave enough to tell them what happened, and she has the cold demeanor to the boys like the others. "The money?" she asked. "Oh, I returned it to the mayor as soon as I could... It was the only thing I could do--I don't want Mr. McNeil angry with me--he'd kick me out of the village!" "What in the world is going on?" Teepo asked. "Why isn't everyone around us, thanking us for what we've done?" "Let's go look for Loki," Rei suggested. "He's the one who talked us into this, he's bound to have told them, right?" Leading the way to the farm, Rei immediately found Loki, his back turned to them, right next to a tractor. Rei called his attention, to which Loki literally jumped. "H-hello, Rei," Loki said nervously. "N-nice weather, eh?" "Hey, Loki!" Teepo said, ignoring the nervousness. "We did just like you said--we gave McNeil's money to everyone..." From beneath his green cowl, Loki's eyes widened. He quickly silenced them. " SHHHHHH! Don't say that so loudly! People'll hear you... If McNeil finds out he'll kill me..." "What are you so afraid of, anyway? You said McNeil was the bad guy..." Loki hushed them again, more tense this time. " SHHHHHHH! All right, all right... Just don't talk about that here! We can talk about it in the hut. You go on ahead, OK?" Puzzled, all the three boys could do was comply. However, as soon as they turned toward the direction of the hut, did Loki scurry away. Unfortunately, neither one of the orphans noticed this. Inside the hut... "...Rei... Something's wrong..." Rei clenched his fists. "We'll get that Loki fellow to explain what's going on..." Someone came in the hut after them. It wasn't Loki, it wasn't even human; it was a cow. "Moo..." However, following the cow, was... "Samson!" Rei and Teepo exclaimed. Samson was more grim than before. Without even looking at the boys, he said, "I was hired to take care of the cows... So whatever I say is going to be to the cows..." Rei turned on him immediately. "What's going on!? We're waiting for Loki..." Samson ignored him. Instead, he said, "Hey, cow... Did you hear that that fellow Loki thought he could have an easy life if he got a hold of McNeil's money, but he didn't know that McNeil was working for a big gang of crooks that doesn't like being stolen from... Sounds pretty dangerous, doesn't it, cow?" The boys were in complete shock. Teepo turned to Rei. "What does he mean, Rei?" "It means... We shouldn't be hanging around here too long... I think we should be getting back home-- quick!" Before they left, Bunyan actually talked to them, albeit in a lower voice. "Loki's taken off-- he was just using you. I'd hide until all this blows over if I were you..." Rei nodded his quick thanks, then ushered his friends out. When they left, Samson shook his head. "What have you three done?" he asked grimly. The three boys raced back to Cedar Woods. When they reached the area where their treehouse stood, smoke could be smelled, and seen, in that direction. Rei then saw in plain sight exactly what was burning: their treehouse! "What's going on? What's happened!?" Rei tried going up to the house, but the flames were too strong. He then herd Teepo's cry from below. "Rei!!" Rei went back down, and saw that they were not alone. Standing opposite them on the other side of the bridge, are two men. Both are very muscular and have the heads of horses(unicorns, perhaps, because they have horns). They are almost twins, except one is white skinned with blue-green hair, while the other one is brown skinned with blonde hair. "Hmmm... I was wondering what our thieves might look like," the brown horseman said. "But they's just a bunch o' kids, ain't they, bro?" "No worries, eh Sunder?" his brother agreed. "Time for school... A lesson in the school of life, eh?" Teepo couldn't stop himself from trembling with anger. "You mean... you..." "That's right," the white horseman said. "You're a little too big for your britches, my boy... Now it's time for your spanking, so get on over here!" Ash prepared his sword, which Sunder quickly noticed. "Hey, check it out, Balio... They're gonna try and fight!" "Kids," Balio snorted, cracking his knuckles menacingly. "They just don't wanna do what they're told, do they...?" All three, Ash, Rei and Teepo, readied their weapons, but before they do, did Balio act, fast. "Lightning!" It was an electric spell of higher potency than Teepo's Jolt. One casting made the three of them fall to their knees, fast. Then Sunder launched high-speed glying kicks at each of them in quick succession. With those two attacks, Ash and his brothers have quickly fallen... ===== Samson, at that point, was just returning to Cedar Woods, when he smelled something. "What was that?" he wondered. "It smells like wood burning-" Then, he could see black smoke rising from north of the woods. "Oh, no..." Fearing for the worst, Samson dropped all the logs he was carrying. He followed the scent, and it directed him into the depths where the orphans' treehouse stood. Samson's eyes widened in shock, as he saw the cedar tree where the orphans' house stood, still burning strong. The fire will surely spread to the surrounding forest if nothing could be done, quick. At that moment, a hiker from another entrance to the area appeared. Samson turned to him at once. "Quick, call everyone from the village!" he said without another thought. "We mustn't let the fire spread!" "R-r-right!" The hiker quickly ran out of sight, to report the news. Fortunately, word spread faster than the fire, and the village's own fire brigade was able to subdue the fire immediately. After the threat was averted, Samson circled the charred remains of the treehouse, looking for signs of life. He couldn't find anyone. "No," he muttered. "Samson," someone called out. It was the fire brigade's chief. "Come over here and look at this..." The woodsman went to the fireman's side. A little distance from the treehouse, behind some stained-red bushes, was Ash. He was battered and bleeding badly; barely alive. Samson knelt down to check his injuries. "How's he doing?" the fire chief asked. "He's been hurt pretty badly," Samson said, "and his wounds have nothing to do with the fire..." Samson carefully picked up the limp boy into his arms. "Any sign of the others?" "No, but we'll keep looking." The fireman shook his head sadly. "I know those boys cause a lot of trouble, but they don't deserve any of this." Samson nodded. "I'll look after this little one here." "Are you sure, Samson? Maybe we should take him to the hospital in Wyndia." "No, he's lost a lot of blood already; he might die on the way there. I have experience with medicine. Trust me, chief." "Alright, I guess you know what you're doing." "Thanks for the help, chief." The fire chief returned to overlooking the cleaning-up of the mess the fire made. Samson, meanwhile, slowly walked back towards his cabin down south. "He's right. They don't deserve any of this..." To Be Continued
Losing his family, Ash will now set out to find them, however impossible if they even survived or not...
|
|
|
Post by Nina_Lumos on Jul 1, 2008 17:04:56 GMT 12
No one's reviewing again...
I'll try to finally fit May into this chapter, so please review...
Part 11: Waking Up "Thank you... Thank y...o...u..." Those two words kept repeating themselves inside of Ash's head. They sounded like they were coming from right beside his own ear. Where is it coming from, really, that it could be so close? And who was saying it over and over? The voice sounded so familiar... When Ash opens his eyes, he finds himself in a surreal world, not unlike where Amalgam took him. There, standing right in front of him, is the girl he saw not so long ago, the one he quickly had a crush on. It was, indeed, this girl, who kept saying those two words. "Thank you..." But the question is, why? Before Ash can ponder on this further, a serpent-like shadow loomed out from behind her. He tried calling out to warn her, but couldn't. The shadow devoured her live; the last thing Ash saw was her smiling at him. Ash's eyes quickly filled with tears. That very moment, Ash sat up, and the dream was over. He found himself on a large, comfortable bed, his bandages drenched in sweat. What? bandages? Ash tried getting off the bed, but his injuries didn't give. He fell to the floor with a loud THUD! and became unconscious again. Ash, during his second unconscious state, couldn't dream what he could remember like last time. When he came to again, he found himself on the same bed like before, but this time he wasn't alone. Samson was sitting on the bed next to him. "Good to see you finally awake, Ash," he said. "I thought for sure that you would stay like that forever. What a relief..." Samson stood up, and headed out the door. As Ash followed him with his eyes, he recognized the place they were in: the woodsman's house. Samson opened the door, but before he could head out, he said, "... ...All I found... was you... Alone and wounded in the woods, three days ago... "I always told you you'd get in trouble one day... But I never thought something like this would happen...!" Samson shook his head sadly. "You should stay in bed. You're still suffering from major injuries..." Ash, however, was getting restless, especially that the memory of what happened was coming back to him. As soon as his foot ouched the floor, he saw something propped up next to the bed. They are his clothes, and Rei's knapsack. The latter's burnt badly, but Samson seems to have fixed it for use again. It took a while for Ash to dress up because of his injuries. Then, he slung the pack on his shoulder, flinching slightly as the weight strained on his wounds. Careful not to trip again, he walked out after Samson. Samson looked at him sternly as soon as Ash went out the door. He sighed deeply. "I knew I couldn't trust you to follow my advice. And where are you going now? Look for your friends? Well- I'm afraid that Teepo and Rei are..." Ash didn't listen, or didn't want to hear is more likely. He passed Samson, ready to head out by himself. The latter sighed again, knowing he couldn't stop the determination of the boy. "I remember that Rei wished he would someday want to go to Wyndia. I'm not guaranteeing if you'll find anything there, more or less Rei and Teepo, but I can't stop you." Samson took out a piece of parchment from his vest pocket, and handed it to Ash. "This is a map of the whole world, from the Dauna Region at the west to the Rhapaln Region far east. "To get to Wyndia, you have to cross Mt. Myrneg to the east of the Yraal Road. If you're having trouble gettin' over, come back here... Maybe I can give you a hand, eh?" Ash nodded, and soon started on his way. His first stop is McNeil village. The animosity of the villagers from three days ago was gone. In its place is their sympathy to the now-abandoned Ash. However, Ash didn't have time to appreciate the sympathy; he only headed to McNeil village since it's on his way to the Yraal Road. There, when he reached the road junction, he remembered the little misdaventure he and his adopted family had by introducing him to mugging. Ash couldn't stand idly by any longer and continued on his way. South, then east, he found himself at the foot of Mt. Myrneg. The only difference between this and Mt. Glaus, was that Myrneg is smaller, and less populated by trees. otherwise, they're almost like twins. It was no problem for Ash to climb up the mountain, which acts like a gate between the Yraal and Wyndian regions. At the top, close to the exit, he saw someone awfully familiar... Standing close to the edge of the mountain cliff, is none other than the brown-skinned Sunder. The one responsible for taring apart Ash's family. However, Ash knows he's not strong enough to take on both, or maybe just even one, so he tried sneaking past Sunder while his back was turned. Unfortunately it wasn't that easy. Sunder just turned around even before Ash passed him. "OK, bro, let's go... hm...? You're not my brother!! W -who're you? Wait...You're supposed to be dead!" "G-G-GH-GHOST!! Help me!" Sunder ran down the path just in time to meet Balio. "Ghost!? What're you talking about?" "Help!" Sunder said. "Help me, bro! Come quick!" He pointed to Ash. "Lo-look! He's dead! I mean, I mean... He's alive! It's a zombieeeee!!" Sunder, hysterical, ran behind a tree to hide. Balio, however, was more calm, and knelt down so he and Ash are eye to eye. "This is a surprise. Is he really alive?" "I'm scared! He's a vampirrrrre!!" Sunder shrieked from behind the tree. "Maybe we didn't finish him off...? No...No, he's dead... you dummy!" he shouted to his brother, rolling his eyes. Sunder, however, wasn't listening. He quickly ran out from behind a tree, and stabbed Ash in the back with his dagger. Ash flops down to the ground, losing consciousness. "Is he dead?" Balio asked, kneeling down further to examine Ash's body more. "Oh... I'm not afraid of a dead zombie!" Sunder said gloatingly. "Did we get him this time...?" Balio asked, standing up again. "We killed him! We're the strongest!!" Suddenly, Ash's heart could be heard beating throughout the mountain. The sound caught both Balio and Sunder by surprise. "Wha...!? In... inconceivable!?" Balio exclaimed. A light emerged from Ash's body, engulfing him. A second later, the light was gone, and so is Ash. In his place is a small, red baby dragon. The same dragon that caused havoc in Dauna Mines not long ago. "Hey, bro...! Wh-wha's happening!?" Sunder asked, getting hysterical again. Sunder's dagger, that was stuck to the dragon's back, slipped the whole blade out and clattered harmlessly to the ground. "...He's not human... Is he invulnerable?" was all Balio could muster; otherwise he's completely speechless at what he saw. "Yikes! C'mon, bro... Let's get outta here!" "Wait! Hold on, Sunder! I have an idea...we may have just found our golden egg..." ===== Thinking that they have found their gold mine, Balio and Sunder wasted no time in going straight to the walled city of Wyndia. Being shady characters, they were given a second glance by the guards only after their announcement of capturing a live dragon. The news immediately caught the attention of the whole kingdom. Pretty soon the two criminals were in audience in King Norman's court, accompanied by his queen Caroline, and their daughter, May. Surrounding Balio and Sunder are several armored knights, who were there in case they cause trouble. Between the two horsemen is a small cage, whose contents are unknown because of a white veil surrounding it. "And it be in truth a dragon?" the king asked. Balio bowed and knelt down before speaking. "It certainly is... Your Highness." Sunder, however, was ecstatic, until his brother silenced him. "It's for real! A real dragon!" "Hmmm... If what you say is true... It is a most serious matter...no?" King Norman asked. "Indeed," Balio agreed. "They tried to destroy the world..." "Hey, bro," Sunder whispered to his brother. "I think it's gonna work..." Balio stood from his kneeling position, ready to remove the veil of his cage. "Your Highness, I give you... the dragon!" Balio unveils the cage. The dragon is not there anymore; instead, Ash is back to normal! May, sitting right beside her father, recognized him immediately, and gasped. "Uh, bro..." Sunder said uneasily at the sight of Ash. "What's this... ?" the king exclaimed. "Oh no! He's gone back to being a kid!" Balio shouted angrily. "Let's try hitting him again!!" Sunder quickly suggested. The two men surround the cage, and start hitting it repeatedly. Ash, still suffering from his wounds, howled in pain. Everyone in the court was astonished at the inhuman act before them, until the King had enough. "Enough!! Explain yourselves, charlatans!" But even before they could try, Norman sent out for the royal guard. "Arrest these con men and their 'dragon'!!" ===== They deserve it, Balio and Sunder being thrown into the dungeon of Wyndia Castle. However, Ash was unfortunately taken along with them. Ash was held in one cell, while Balio and Sunder were in another. The latter two are furious. "It's all your fault!" Balio shouted at Ash. "If only you'd turned into a dragon, we wouldn't be down here!" "We're gonna miss the Contest, bro," Sunder reminded his brother. A clicking noise could be heard from the dungeon entrance. Then the clanking sound of iron bars, followed by someone appearing. It's none other than Princess May. She stopped right in front of Ash's cell. "Hello there, remember me? I'm the girl you returned a ribbon to back in Fall. My name is May. "I felt sorry for you being treated like that... so I thought I'd let you go..." "T... Thank you!?" Sunder quickly exclaimed. "Hear that, bro? She says she'll let us go!" May ran to their cell and frowned at them. "Not you... If I let you go, you'll just pick on him again, won't you?" Balio shook his head. "We wouldn't do that, Princess May... I swear, we won't pick on him again So...if you could please open the door..." "...Really?" May asked. "All right then..." May opened their cell door, using a chain of keys she had. "Thank you, Princess," Balio said, almost somberly. "And you won't pick on him again, right?" May asked, not knowing that Sunder was circling around her now. Balio smirked. "Oh, no... We won't do anything to that kid again..." "Huh? What do-" Before May could finish her sentence, Sunder hit her from behind with a backhand. She was immediately knocked out! "Way to go, bro!" Balio laughed, with a sound similar to a horse baying. Sunder followed suit. "Besides... who needs that freak... when we have a princess? She's worth more money anyway!" "Time to hit the road, eh?" Sunder asked. "Yep... You carry her... Imagine the fat ransom she'll fetch!" The two men bayed some more, before leaving to a deeper part of the dungeon. Ash was getting desperate. He knew that they mustn't get away with this. But May forgot to unlock his cell door, and the keys were with her. He grasped the iron bars of his cell door, and tried prying them apart. But nothing's happened. Ash also tried calling for attention from the upper levels. But then he thought that May must have come here on her own, meaning there aren't that many guards around. Having no other choice, Ash took a few steps back, until his back was against the wall opposite the cell door. Breathing heavily, he charged at the door with all his might. Much to Ash's surprise, the iron door easily collapsed with the hit. The iron door fell of its hinges and landed on the cold stone floor with a Clank! Forgetting his injuries, Ash set off, to rescue May from Balio and Sunder... To Be Continued
You'll be reading more of Balio and Sunder. Like I said before, they will be main antagonists throughout the childhood chapters.
|
|